Hey, at least I didn’t go for “Postmortem.” (Ok, ok. I’m saving that for the next episode.)
Clementine and Rebecca find Jane, BAMF-extraordinaire, in the zombie horde and waddle to safety. On the walk over to camp, Rebecca shoves her foot into her mouth yet again by telling the super-survivor she doesn’t give a shit about her dead sister. Then she acts surprised when Jane storms off. I’m not entirely sure what Rebecca thought was going to happen.
Also, it’s pretty obvious at this point she’s having contractions.
Back at camp, Magic Mike is freaking out about where everyone is while dour Bonnie farts around. Kenny is, depending on whether you tried to chop Sarita’s hand off or not, sitting at the side of the fountain with her lying on his lap, or sitting at the side of the fountain alone. Either way he’s a total dick.
Then G.I. Jane recruits you for some ground search, mainly because you’re one of the few people in this group she finds tolerable. Also, you might have become a surrogate sister to her. Anyway, she teaches you this nifty way of taking walkers down and pontificates on how much of an awful sister she was.
We start looting bodies when we hear a high-pitched, keening wail that is naturally Sarah. She and Luke are trapped in a trailer home surrounded by zombies. We create a distraction and break inside.
Turns out Sarah lost her marbles when Carlos died and went caterwauling through the forest. Nick, being entirely too righteous for this game, followed after her. She’s been sitting here, wailing like a dumbass for hours, while Nick tries to become a therapist. Jane is not impressed.
The zombies become more effective at their break-in and we have to escape through the skylight. Sarah stays planted to her spot. You’re given the chance to offer her platitudes, but you eventually either have to slap her or leave her.
If you leave her, she says, piteously: “Clementine?” before being mauled to death. If you slap her, she follows you and continues to be a waste of space.
Either way, on the trip back Jane tells you that her sister was the same way and Jane had to eventually abandon her. Jane reflects that she came to realize that she had put her sister through “a forced march through hell” when all she wanted Jane to do was “let her go.”
Back at camp, Rebecca continues to have contractions while everyone stands around looking bewildered. Turns out Kenny’s the only one who knows anything about childbirth, effectively plummeting Rebecca’s chances of surviving this episode. Bonnie passive-aggressively manipulates you into checking on Kenny, because it’s always a kindness to send the nine-year-old girl to reason with the mentally-unstable guy. Fuck you, Bonnie. Fuck you.
Kenny’s marginally better in this scene, either sitting with Sarita’s corpse or just staring at the tent wall. Either way, the possibility of a baby seems to rouse him and he comes back to the living for a bit.
At this point, you either run off with Jane to check out the Observation Deck or go with Magic Mike and Bonnie to scope out a museum. You go to both regardless of order. When you go with Bonnie and Mike, you try to murder a raccoon, find some water and find a Confederate coat to put Rebecca in. (Irony be damned, it’s cold.) All of the Civil War memorabilia cruelly reminds you of Lee.
With Jane, you find an place where Rebecca can have her baby. You also meet Arvo, the Russian version of Ben, complete with a limp and stupid glasses. Arvo’s carrying around a lot of drugs and claims they are for his sick sister. You’re given the option of either robbing him or not. Given how this all turns out, you should probably just rob him.
You go back to collect everyone and zombies start pouring out of the woodwork because Luke sucks at border patrol. Kenny starts beating the shit out of things, which Bonnie helpfully points out is a sign of some serious problems. You all manage to swing your way back to the Observation Deck, where Jane and Luke are having some post-coital canoodling. Unimpressed, guys, unimpressed.
Romance turns to distress when everyone realizes that the zombies have followed and are lumbering up the stairs. You can either jump straight into the action or offer platitudes to the laboring Rebecca, who seems a lot nicer to people when she’s in distress.
Either way, you try to move a cannon to block the gate at the top of the stairs, but it plummets though some bad flooring, taking most of the outer deck with it. Useless Sarah flops down with it while G.I. Jane manages to get a grip on the edge. You can either save Jane or ask her to try to save Sarah.
If Jane tries to save Sarah, she takes a plank to the head and has to scramble up the slanted outer deck while Sarah gets mauled by zombies. No matter what you do Sarah is going to be mauled by zombies.
The zombies yet again display a higher intellect than we give them credit for when they start to climb up the slanted portion of the outer deck. You break the last support line for the deck and it crashes down, taking the zombies with it.
Rebecca has her baby. Telltale tries to fool you into thinking it’s dead, but we all know they would not pass up the opportunity for a zombie fetus to eat through its mother. It wails and everyone is relieved.
Jane decides to split. She tells us that she can’t stick around for our eventual demise and we’re simultaneously hurt and touched by that. But you can’t keep that woman down and she peaces out. Luke throws a hissy fit.
The Kenny-Luke showdown continues as they bicker over when to leave. Either way, we’re totally fucked. Rebecca develops a cough that in video game world means she’ll be dead soon. There really are never any innocent colds in video games.
The group heads for the town across the river and Rebecca face-plants with the baby. Magic Mike props her up on a tire and we meet Arvo again. He charmingly tells us all his tatted Russian friends are going to take our stuff. He also accuses us of stealing from him whether we did or not. The baby start wailing and we turn around to see that Rebecca has turned. We either shoot her in the head, inadvertently starting a gunfight, or Kenny does it for us.
1) Kenny’s gonna crack.
I think the Telltale writers just keep Kenny around so they can torture him. Pretty much everyone he cares about dies in a horrible way and he gets to stick around to bear witness to it.
He’s become totally unhinged too. Telltale’s never been shy about the fact that Kenny can be a total dick, but there’s a difference between being a dick to Lee and screaming at Clementine. You don’t blame a nine-year-old kid for your girlfriend’s death and accuse her of manipulating her way out of the blame for it. Kenny would have lost his shit had someone done that to Duck.
It’s all piling up on Kenny and, if the irrational raving and the zombie destruction are any indication, he’s cracking. I’m predicting that if it continues to worsen, Clem might have to take him out.
2) Someone’s going to Avada Kedavra Magic Mike.
Simple, really: not a lot of character development and someone has to be cannon fodder for the showdown with the Russians. We know at the point of Rebecca’s second death it cannot be Clementine, Kenny or Luke. And I’m pretty sure we’re not getting rid of Bonnie that easily.
3) The Russians aren’t druggies.
Jane intimated in the scene with Arvo that the drugs weren’t for his ‘sick sister’ but rather for recreational use. But we have two issues: first is that we’ve seen this plot line before with the crazies in the woods outside of the St. John’s farm and they were way more jittery than this lot.
Second is how they react to the baby. You’re given the option to tell them about the little tike and when you do Arvo changes his tune pretty quickly.
“You’ve got a baby?!” he asks incredulously and his friends seem equally taken aback when it starts to cry.
Something tells me these people are fairly organized – if the drugs aren’t for a ‘sick sister’ they are for trade or stockpiling. If we have something closer to a Carver situation, these people might want the baby to help build a society.
4) Christa’s with the Russians.
Telltale did not give us that introduction of Arvo just to have this end in a gunfight. By choice or by force, we’re going back to Arvo’s camp. Where better to find our former companion? The last time we see Christa she is set upon by a bunch of strange men. Given we have a baby around, I don’t see how Telltale can resist throwing Christa back in the pot now.
CRACKPOT THEORY FOR FINALE
This season is going to end with Clementine alone with the baby.
That group is going down in flames – fast. Jane warned Clementine several times this episode. With Rebecca dead and the continuing Kenny-Nick struggle, that group is shattering. I think the season will end with Clementine on her own again, only this time she’ll be in a worse situation before. She’ll be protecting a baby.